No matter how good your parenting skills are, at some point your children will test you. Around two years old or a little later they will explore what is okay behaviour and what isn’t. This is normal. The important thing is not how they test you, but how you respond.

The testing does not stop after the first phase. Children will continue to experiment to find out what appropriate behaviour is. This is how they learn the niceties and customs of our society. They also use other scientific tools, such as watching role models and observing their peers.

 I want to share our ‘testing’ experiences with Cashel, our three-year-old daughter, which brought to my attention the importance of the way you respond when enforcing the rules of your family, especially your strength and consistency.

Many people say Cashel is like me - small and stroppy! I have liked to think that she is cute and confident. However, observing her behaviour recently, it dawned on me that she was also behaving in a precocious and rude manner, especially when we were out and about at her various activities.

Cashel has gymnastic and ballet classes during her week. She loves them both. Taking the Montessori view, her self-assurance, and intention to do everything herself in these classes is admirable.  But her behaviour was also rude and impolite because her confidence meant she refused to listen and was impatient and pushy with other children. 

I realised I was avoiding dealing with the rudeness because it was easier. Easier to laugh and explain it away as “fourth child syndrome”, or “she’s a bit tired today”, or discussing the behaviour with her but with no consequences. I was effectively not doing anything at all about the behaviour, and, of course, was only ensuring it continued and worsened.

At ‘bring a friend’ day at gymnastics; Cashel took her good friend Hannah. Initially all went well, with Cashel helping Hannah through the circuit. At one point Cashel was distracted as we waited for the girl in front to finish, and Hannah went onto the equipment before her. This caused an immediate major meltdown from Cashel… “I want to be first! I was before Hannah!”  After taking her aside and suggesting she sit upstairs while I continued with Hannah, Cashel calmed down. Unfortunately the pushing and “being in front of Hannah” continued for the rest of the session.  I left Cashel to herself, ignored her pushiness and let other mothers deal with her – which they did. I pretended she wasn’t my child and enjoyed myself with Hannah!

Getting cross with Cashel isn’t effective – it just raises a challenge from her. So I decided to approach this situation with a quiet word at bedtime. I discussed how disappointed I was with her behaviour at gym and how I really didn’t enjoy spending my time with her when she behaved so rudely to others around her. It must have been a hard day and so a few tears came to my eyes; Cashel was quite affected by this. I said I had decided not to go to gym again next week because I really didn’t want to have such a bad day with her again. We talked about what behaviour would be better and how she would put this into practice at ballet the next day.

Her time at ballet was much better. Cashel didn’t notice missing the following gym session until we took her older sister, Nea to her gym class and Cashel realised she had missed her own gym session.

I reminded her that I had decided not to take her because her behaviour meant it had ceased being fun.  She cried. A few days later Cashel and I discussed returning to gym. We agreed to clear expectations and consequences – she was to behave politely to me and others or we would leave immediately. So far this term our times at gym have been a pleasure.

The lesson is that we want confident and assertive children but they must also be courteous and respectful to others.  While you might admire their spirit, when it starts becoming rude and disrespectful, it is time for you to place the boundaries. It is vital that you ensure your child experiences the consequences of their behaviour and their actions, as I did with Cashel. It wasn’t nice to see her so disappointed at missing gym but it showed her I had truly been upset by her behaviour and was committed to my decision.

Using strategies other than being angry can be effective as well. Your child’s empathy towards how you feel is strong, so if you are disappointed and feel upset, show it. They will understand that their behaviour has affected someone dear to them; and will learn how to stop upsetting or hurting someone else.

Children need to feel secure in what is expected of them and know that their parent’s decisions won’t waver. Your children will respect you for it.

Sola Freeman
September 2009

My children are in a better position than many other children around the world – they want for nothing. They live in a comfortable house, with varied and healthy foods, get great schooling, and can choose all sorts of hobbies and experiences.

A world of plenty can have a distorting effect on children, so I am thankful that the Montessori philosophy at school and at home balances out the good fortune by teaching humility, sensitivity and appreciation for the ‘little things’ that make life worth living.

It was Dr Maria Montessori’s intention that children learn understanding, tolerance and appreciation for the variety of beings that inhabit this earth. She thought we should see ourselves as a small part of a bigger whole, rather than the big centre of our own small universe.

Our commitment to the Montessori philosophy of kindness is influenced by actual experience.  Mark and I have been forever humbled by the generosity we experienced during part of our OE from people of simple means in Micronesia, and from friends during times of need.

I see our parental role as showing Fiann, Cared, Nea and Cashel how to be active grateful and humble participants rather than selfish passive recipients.

To set the scene we remind our children that everything we have has come from our hard work and the assistance of others.

Giving comes naturally to children from when they first paint you a picture, to picking flowers for you – you remember those scrunched up daisies? It is our role to encourage that further.

So we include the kids in assessing family choices and point out how other people will be needed to help us. An example is travel. The boys needed their grandfather and aunty to make time for them when they stayed there over the holidays. And this Christmas we will need the generosity of friends and family while we travel around Northland. 

If we benefit from other people helping us, then other people will similarly need our help at times. This is where the art of giving comes in. I want our children to remember a happy childhood that was shared with others and a family which looked after others around them. 

Acts of giving that occur within our community make the biggest difference. Our Montessori children are taught to be considerate to others in their class and school. This should be reflected in the home. Real giving is in things like a commitment of time to an organisation, a project, or even your school’s Board or PTA.
  
I have tried to role-model this behaviour in a variety of ways, such as giving baking to new neighbours; dinners to people who are sick or with a new baby or looking after the older children; hosting visitors, friends or families in our house; giving parties for family and friends and giving our time to a variety of activities in the community.

Some acts that our children have undertaken is to sort through their old clothes and give them to either friends as ‘hand-me downs’ or to the Salvation Army or the local Foster Association. They have also just recently sorted through their old toys – many of them cuddly toys and baby toys Cashel has grown out of;these too have gone to the Foster Association.    

When we began planning for Fiann and Cared’s birthday, they thought about what they most wanted for their birthday – a small list of two; lego and roller blades or remote controlled cars. They said that aside from those gifts, ‘now we are older we don’t need any more toys and stuff’. They decided to ask their friends to bring pet food for the SPCA instead of presents. The collection received on their birthday was impressive. They were pleased to go to the SPCA to hand over their box of pet food and some old towels and blankets.

The act of receiving also needs to be remembered. There is nothing more disappointing than having your well-thought-out present received with little or no thanks. Even down to saying thank you for a compliment – how many times have you turned down a compliment such as ‘You’re looking great today’ with ‘Oh no I just ran out the door – I’m sure I look a mess!’ when a simple ‘Thank you’ would have been more gracious! And so I have also encouraged, and tried to model, receiving compliments and gifts with a heartfelt thank you.

To ensure children practise their receiving manners, try to make sure you create an opportunity during their birthday party for the children to gather around while the birthday girl/boy unwraps and thanks the giver for the birthday present – all the children really do enjoy this part!  We make a point of getting our children to open their presents slowly and to take time appreciating what they have just received.

This is easier to do when children do not open all their presents in one go. For example we often spread Christmas presents out over two or even three days, so each present has a significant moment for it and therefore the gift and the giver can be appreciated, experienced and remembered. Coincidentally, this encourages placing thought into presents because the thought is rewarded!

It is a common theme in our family that toys, clothes and other material things are known for the person that gave them. Still young, Cashel says that everything she owns which is handmade was given to her by Grandma Barb!

Sola Freeman
December 2008

I have discovered that raising boys requires more attention than fathers expect. It is the father’s responsibility not just to have fun and adventures with their sons, but also to teach them the manly arts, especially of self-discipline.

My discovery about raising girls is that they require even more attention than fathers should give to their sons. I have discovered that the hardest part of raising girls that a multi-tasking dad is essential – a father who is able to watch his daughter  be a ‘girl’, help her find and learn about general activities and chores, and teach her about the physical world of boys.   You need to be as good at just being there while your young daughter endlessly sets and resets a bed for her dolls, as you are at introducing her to things like bush walks and gardening, or as you are at play-fighting with her, kicking a ball and letting her help while you make or mend something around the house.

I think the task of the Montessori father is to follow his daughter’s interests, but to also use his own knowledge to keep his daughter’s horizon of possibilities expanded.

So here are some examples of what I mean.

My youngest daughter Cashel, two and half years old, is currently exploring her world through her play. She constantly tells us that ‘I’m a girl’ and she often wants me to play the daddy in situations she sets up with Duplo, dolls, or the homes she makes out of various things around the house.  I am happy to do this. It is a more comfortable role than six months ago when she said she was the mummy and wanted me to play her baby and suck on a baby bottle! Which I dutifully did! With both my daughters I have happily joined their play and taken on roles as the ‘baby’ or ‘daddy’ and followed them around the house as we went to cafés, the shops or playgroup. Both girls were exploring and understanding their world by manipulating the roles we all play in it. My time with them in these role plays was important: to give them the chance to ‘control’ their world, to introduce language and different ideas and most especially to just be with them.

As a father with the task of following interests but introducing new options, I have integrated into ‘our’ play objects like toy cars and trucks. Cashel has taken to these readily and is now almost as likely to start with the car sets as the doll house. Or, while we are pretending to be mummy and daddy going to the café, I have introduced a passing fire truck or ambulance, and we ‘jump’ into being firefighters. I have to admit that Cashel quickly gets back to being in the café, but that’s her choice. My job is simply to ensure her horizons are as wide as possible.

I have also encouraged Cashel to engage with me in physical feats such as spinning and jumping, and she readily charges into the play fights I am having with my two eight-year-old sons. We all slow down our fight and let her be part of the action. She has become very adept at controlling her body – falling, twisting, balancing and even some basics of leverage.

My two other examples focus on my five-year-old daughter, Nea. Firstly, we have noticed that she likes doing indoor things with family or friends, not by herself. But we got some hints that she seemed to like outdoor things. There were big clues of course – like her week-long incessant requests for the family to go for a walk to Butterfly Creek, in the hills of Eastbourne; which we all did and had a great time.

I have used this observation of her interests to make a conscious effort, in the times when Nea was at a loss for someone to play with indoors, for her and me to find something to do outdoors.  She has taken a strong interest in our vegetable and fruit garden. Following this interest I have formally assigned Nea responsibility for the vegetable garden. We started with the tendering and gathering of vegetables over summer, and the replanting of the garden during winter for spring. On weekends I make a point of ensuring that Nea and I check out how the garden is going. We note how things are growing and the conditions that might be helping or hindering them.

I have also introduced Nea to soccer. She wanted to follow the footsteps of her brothers, so has started ‘Little Dribblers’ soccer. It has been my responsibility to ensure she really appreciates the physical and mental requirements of being in a team and playing a game, as well as the technical sides of kicking a ball.

I have to go outside my comfort zone in my role as a father of two daughters, but you can see how I have found ways of introducing what I know about life to both Nea and Cashel.

I am very comfortable about my daughters concentrating on being girls and women, but I believe it is my job to introduce skills and knowledge to help them both be confident and competent all-round human beings. 

Mark Blackham
September 2008

The summer break provided time to go slow; time for the kids to play uninterrupted, time at the beach and down time for reading.  This year Mark and I had to fight for couch space with our seven-year-old sons Fiann and Cared, as they curled up to read their own books.

It was a joy to see them buried in a chapter book – often reading late into the night and sleeping in the next morning.  Fiann became particularly involved in his books – often describing in great detail stories he had read.  ‘Mum do you cry when you read a sad story?’ He also discovered the feeling of finishing a book when he didn’t want the story to end, ‘I feel really sad when I get to the end of the book, and I want to know what happens next.’ So what has brought about their explosion into reading at this time?

I feel three factors have played a role in their reading development. First, going to a Montessori school where learning to read happened as easily as when they learnt to talk.  In their 3-6-year class the boys discovered that words were made up of sounds and learned the symbols for these sounds. By five they had begun writing, and reading happened throughout their day in various activities. They had lessons as they needed to develop their reading – but we never had ‘the reading book’ sent home and the boys never saw reading as a chore which had to be endured.

When they moved into their 6-9-year class both boys were more interested in writing their own stories or maths than in reading. Their teachers assured us that reading would come – they had all the foundations; it was just a matter of time.  And this is exactly what happened. Within their first term in primary they both raced through the reading levels to read well above their chronological age. For me this was a fantastic example of having faith in the children themselves and the Montessori Method.

Second, I believe their bedtime routine has helped foster an enjoyment of reading. When the boys were two years old we gave them a bedside lamp to give them more control of their bedtime. This developed into a quiet time, after we had read to them, when they would look at books by themselves, at their own pace.  We have heard all of our children using this quiet time to retell themselves stories; often old favourites that they knew well.  This ‘reading’ time before they turn their lights out has set up a pattern for life; an opportunity every day for them to just read, ponder, or look through books by themselves.

Third, Mark and I read. The children see us reading books, magazines, newspapers, letters, going to books for information, or using the internet.  We have also read to them everyday since they were babies, introducing a large variety of stories. We have stories on CD they can put on at their leisure, and their rooms have bookshelves full of books.

Being a reading role model and providing a home environment rich in language and reading is one of the best ways of helping your children become happy readers and not making it a lesson or chore that runs the risk of turning them off it altogether.

For Fiann and Cared the skill of reading has developed with very little effort and in response to their own interests. They found it opened up a whole world of information and imagination.

It is important to support your child and listen when they want to read to you, or need you to read to them. But the lesson from our family and the Montessori Method is to give children time to discover the joys of reading by themselves and before you know it you will be fighting for couch space to read yourself!
 

Sola Freeman
April 2008

There are times when going out with four children does seem daunting. But more often than not outings as a family are enjoyable and well worth the effort. And no matter how tough it seems, it’s our duty as parents to take on this task. Providing rich experiences in the world outside does more for a child’s learning than watching TV or buying another toy.

In summer grit your teeth and get out and about, no matter what their age and stage. Communicate excitement and anticipation, not your worry. Know your children well so you can anticipate potential problems (such as food and sleep times). Right from the beginning we provided clear expectations of what behaviour suited each public situation.

Firstly, I discuss with the children – no matter what their age – the plans for the day. Knowledge of what is coming up gives them a sense of involvement and control. They will not simply be dragged\ from place to place not knowing why or what is coming next. Imagine how you would feel, bundled into clothes, into shoes and coat and into car, taken from car and strapped into buggy, arrive at destination, taken out of buggy, carried in, coat and shoes taken off and placed in a room full of other
people and faces that you may not know. Nothing has been said to you. The toddler’s response, to gain some sense of control, is often to cry, or whack someone.

I explain to them what will be happening in the places and with the people we visit – and what I expect their behaviour to be like in each situation.


For example, when planning to visit another family’s house we talk about:
• whose house it is
• that there will be food and they will need to sit while eating
• that the child/ren will probably have toys there to play with but they need to respect these toys and other property
• that the other children there may still be learning how to share or take turns, so they will need to be patient
• how they shouldn’t snatch or hit and if unsure of what to do to check with me
• we will take our shoes off, but it is best not to jump or climb on the furniture because that can wait until time at a playground
• when it is time to go I will give them a warning and then “no fuss” as this is rude and we probably won’t be invited back.

In the car on the way there I repeat the expectations and we reach an agreement that if they don’t do as expected then we will go home. (A nod or some noise of affirmation is sufficient for pre-talkers.) This is important and I still do it even when we are doing something we have done before. It means you have a deal and when you need to, you can go back to it . . . “remember we talked about how you need to behave here and you agreed, so if you hit again then we will be going home”.

It is VERY IMPORTANT after that warning that you leave if it happens again. Giving warnings is a waste of time if they know you aren’t going to back it up. I think I have only needed to leave an event once with each child. The same goes for that other common outing – visiting a café or restaurant. I explain behaviour beforehand, and enforce a “stay seated” rule while the food is served and consumed. The children order their food themselves. They are not allowed to leave the table until they have finished, and after that, they must confine play to a place which does not bother others.

Discussion and preparation for the child is vital. In addition here are other tips that can help. Tiredness and hunger tend to be the main reasons for a meltdown.
• Avoid doing major activities when everyone is likely to be tired.
• Provide an opportunity for a snooze if you need to go from one thing to another.
• Hunger is the most common reason for bad behaviour. Always have snacks and water available – they may not be needed but I find a couple of muesli bars in my handbag have saved the day a number of times. Anticipate the hunger ahead of time though. It’s usually too late to feed them at the time of the meltdown.
• A small first aid kit – plasters, Rescue Remedy and tissues are often required and mean any minor mishap can be sorted.

Organisation and preparation is the key. For example, we went for a family bike ride – we weren’t sure whether Nea, our three-year-old  daughter, would be able to handle biking the distance on her own so we took a rope. After a stop for lunch we started the return trip – the wind was against us and Nea found the going too tough. We pulled the rope out and used it to tow her behind Mark’s bike – the result was a lovely family day out.

The overriding principle in Montessori philosophy is that children can be independent and responsible. Our children usually prove this to be entirely true, but it is possible because we treat them as if they are. We include them in the plans, we clearly outline our expectations and hand them the responsibility for how the day goes (making the deal). Then you can relax and enjoy the outing, too.

Sola Freeman
June 2007

In my experience self-disciplined children are more likely to come from homes where there are consistent and clear expectations and boundaries, and parents who in their behaviour toward their children are warm, firm and constant.

The subject came up in recent discussions in our house about the ways we are guiding and responding to our youngest daughter, Cashel, one-year-old. With a busy household of four children we have found ourselves letting our expectations of Cashel slip.

Of of our four children, Cashel seems to be the most mischievous – a real little rascal with a grin and charm that is both endearing and very frustrating! Fortunately, a Montessori “normalised” household has meant the actions of all of us, especially Cashel’s siblings, has set the tone and manner. But we have remembered that the parents need to continually apply their expectations. That means maintaining the same level of attention and energy for each child.

So, we have resolved to reinforce the ground rules in our house. For example, the long-standing rule has been that eating only happens at the table. Cashel sits at a small table (or on a booster seat at dinner time with the family), so is able to leave whenever she wants. But when she might be hungry for a snack, the other children may well be still busy playing. This can be highly distracting for her, and the temptation to wander off to check out their fun with sandwich in hand is huge!

I spend much time reminding her to return to her seat or leave her sandwich at the table. Sometimes having me or one of the other children sitting with her helps – there’s nothing like social companionship at mealtimes. While I am finding this hard work at the moment, I know it is worth it, because I will not need to pick up or clean up food lying around the house.

Cashel began walking a month ago and is thoroughly enjoying her freedom. For the other children, the freedom and power they discovered was put to good use. Just like the others, we ask Cashel to use her new walking ability for things like taking her dishes back to the kitchen, putting things back on shelves or away and putting rubbish in the bin. On the other hand, having older children means we have to be more disciplined than previously about making sure the house is safe for her to explore. Our six-year-old son Cared  has the Lego in his room, so he and the others must remember to keep his door closed. And we all need to keep the toilet door closed!

Nea, our  three-years-old daughter and Cashel are sharing a room and so Nea has a special jewellery box for her treasures that can be kept up high. I want Cashel to have as much freedom and ability to explore as her older siblings did – but I also don’t what to spend my time following her every move or reprimanding her for getting into something that shouldn’t have been available to her in the first place.

The toddler years are a lovely time and they really are such charming creatures. But it is also the best time to lay down all the ground rules and expectations you
want to instil in your children. As toddlers, they are becoming aware of themselves and their effect on things and others, and so they respond to being involved in the
daily life skills that they see others doing. And reinforcing these means they will become life-long habits.

As the boys and Nea get older, we are seeing the very considerable benefits of our early work with them. They are often helpful and cooperative members of our family. I felt proud when my mother and I spontaneously popped into an open home with all four kids. The agent exclaimed to the owners that she hadn’t seen such wellbehaved children at an open home in such a long time! For me their behaviour was as it should have been – but it does raise an area of parenting – behaviour in public – that is worth another article.

We owe it to Cashel not to let our parental self-discipline slip, just because she’s the fourth child and we are getting tired! Parenting is an important task that requires much
discipline and concentration. It is hard work and exhausting, but every now and then we get a treat or pat on the back to make it all worth while.

Sola Freeman
March 2007

When you are up to your fourth child you would back yourself to have this parenting thing sorted – wouldn’t you?

We did! And for the first few months all seemed as it should. Then the personality of Cashel began clearly revealing itself. It turns out that she is the rascal – the child who does exactly what you have asked her not to, refuses to take ‘no’ as an answer, plays to her audience, and above all is a blonde charmer who tries (and succeeds) in getting away with everything she knows she shouldn’t do!

But we must be careful to split out what traits and actions are part of her personality and what is simply part of her natural childhood development. I certainly refuse to describe the actions as part of the “terrible twos”. It is a derogatory concept based on an expectation that children at this age will exhibit unsociable behaviour – which is what parents with that attitude indeed get. That has not been my experience with the first three children.

It was clearly time for me to go back to the wealth of science on the subject and remind ourselves what is going on for (almost) two year olds like Cashel. As always we start with some observations. Cashel is very bossy. She involves herself in everything that happens in the family and organises everyone. For example when we are getting ready to leave the house – she sets out everyone’s shoes, makes sure they have coats, and rounds them up like a ferocious sheep dog and gets them out to the car. Once in the car we all have to sit in our allocated seats and I dare not start backing out of the garage without my seat belt on. At the dinner table she orders everyone up to the table and demands we sit in our allocated seats and if anyone sits out of their usual place there is a great ‘to do’. This would be fine if it was done in a quiet, calm and
charming way. With Cashel it is conducted with yelling, occasional crying, and once, the Montessori-rare “throw myself on the ground” tantrum!

So let’s get onto why this yelling and demanding behaviour is happening. Very simply Cashel is in her sensitive period for order. Her brain has an absolute need and fascination for the patterns of her life. For some children this need for order is revealed through lining up their cars in an orderly row, or organising their toys in particular ways. For Cashel it is mainly in making sure the daily routines of the family are done in their usual way. So what can, or do we need, to do? Well now we have identified the why we can work on the how. For a start, understanding the underlying reason for her behaviour helps us be more forgiving. We can then help her use this skill constructively in other areas. Forexample, we can give her lots of responsibility for her own personal routines such as putting her clothes in the laundry basket when getting ready for the bath, finding her PJs, singlet and nappy to get dressed for bed, tidying up her work, food and play spaces, and getting her own gear sorted for going
out. I am encouraging her to choose a doll or teddy to take in the car. She can then gather the bags and blankets needed for it.

As it is with many things during childhood development, Cashel’s yelling is just an exploratory phase. The whole family needs to let her explore it but also show her the boundaries. We avoid yelling back at her, and encourage her to use her words or acquire some new ones and to use them calmly. As she gains more language skills, and the patience of her family, this need for order can be fully explored, and hopefully with less yelling!

December 2007

While I had the luxury of long, lazy days with our new babe, Cashel, Mark had time to observe Fiann and Cared over the summer holidays, and reflect on their move into boyhood. Dr Montessori describes four planes of development – 0-6, 6-12, 12-18, 18-24 years – and she likened the transitions between these planes to the changes a butterfly makes, each stage dependent on, but quite different to, the previous. This dramatic transformation is happening for Fiann and Cared as they near their sixth birthday; as Mark observed . . .

Unprompted, the boys used the long summer days and the sand, bush and suburbs around our beach house to fully extend their minds and bodies.
For the first time, they were out of sight and earshot, exploring and manipulating their environment. They made substantial huts, climbed trees, dug mountains of sand, and invented all manner of real-life role-play situations. Once a project of any sort was completed or perfected, and there were plenty of them, the boys would invite me to observe or participate. The first few creations showed me that now some of their work was very different, and had gained a far more serious intent.

For example, for the first five years Fiann has been the family klutz. Driven  by eagerness and physicality, he has always fluffed himself into various scrapes. So it was with a little trepidation that I watched him demonstrate his new “tricks” to me – they showed sophistication and physical prowess I didn’t realise he possessed. The tricks included standing on his stationary bicycle seat with one foot, lifting both legs forward over the handlebars between his arms, and steaming full tilt on his bike down a steep sand hill.

The most significant component of these though were forethought and practice – what I had seen was the product of something at the core of boyhood: taking physical risks, working out the limits of what is possible, and practising until it works. The wondering of what was possible also emerged in their use of the deeply potent single worded question: why? They began asking “why” and “how” about everything – but particularly about the physical environment, and about me.  It seemed to drive Cared to close involvement in my own work in decorating the bach. They have joined me in “fixing things” since they were two, but now Cared wanted to, and could, actually do some of the work. Most importantly, he took an active part working out how to undertake the jobs. For example, laying the flooring required measurement and thinking through the patterns of subsequent planks, and Cared proved adept at this role.

To me, this summer Fiann and Cared have happened upon a central part of being young, and, especially, being male. That is, to act on the notion that anything is possible, particularly with regard to physical interaction and modification of your environment. There’s only one way to learn responsibility, and that’s to be given it. They must climb trees, ride bikes fast with one or no hands, wade into frogladen swamps, wield sharp and blunt tools, and encounter the great variety of flora and fauna in the natural environment. Activities like these are generally incompatible with parents and households – they must be conducted outside, and with parents absent or, if present, either participating or silent. A parent’s role is to give tips that help them carry out the hair-raising madness: like how bikes work, how frogs develop and how to spot cutty-grass.

Observing what was going on, we knew what to do to help them this summer. By giving the boys space to enjoy the start of this transition, their exuberance rarely became anti-social, and they never felt a need to explore it when in incompatible environments, like other people’s homes. It is not surprising that this has started within months of turning six (and quite some time after they turned five). Montessori’s Planes of Development, including this transition at six years into the second stage of childhood, is clearly based on observation of real life. It is certainly what we observed this summer, their transition into self-awareness – both physical and intellectual.

When Montessori primary (6-12) classes start for them during this year, they will indeed start primary schooling at the right time.

Sola Freeman
March 2006